Balance or Men Who Stare at Coats

Posted: June 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

INTERVIEWER

Good evening. Tonight, in order to meet our effenciecy targets, we’re bringing you the same interview we gave you last night. Representing the PIPA or Private Institue of Public Affairs we have Mr Wim Berk. And to provide balance, we have someone representing the Welfare Lobby, Ms. Melanie Hart. Let’s start with you, Ms Hart. You recently stated that you felt the Abbott Government was telling the poor to go to Hell, then trying to charge them for the trip…

BERK
If I could just get a word in here, I’d like to say that this is typical of the ABC, people on the Right like me are never given a go.

INTERVIEWER
I was intending to let you respond after Ms Hart had explained her statement.

BERK
That’s right, give your comrade first crack at the audience.

INTERVIEWER
Well, would you like to respond.

BERK
Yes, I would. This sort of thing is exactly why the ABC should be privatised. Government instittutions are always less efficient because they’re answerable to nobody whereas, private ones are accountable.

INTERVIEWER
Do you have anything to back that up?

BERK
Yes. Lots of people agree with me.

INTERVIEWER
I mean, is there any evidence to suggest that private companies are more efficient. For example, have the privatisations in energy companies led to lower prices and better service?

BERK
Lower prices than what.

INTERVIEWER
Than when they were government run.

BERK
Of course. It goes without saying. No need to actually look at figures

INTERVIEWER
Well,what about service? I waited on the phone for half an hour the other day waiting to speak to someone about changing my energy plan.

BERK
Half an hour? Have you tried ringing Centrelink lately?

INTERVIEWER
Have you?

BERK
No, why would someone like me need Centrelink. But I believe that some people have been waiting on the phone since last Christmas.

INTERVIEWER
If I could just bring Ms Hart into the discussion at this point…

BERK
But we already know her position. She doesn’t believe in personal responsibliity, If it were up she’d let all those people who’ve hit the welfare jackpot sit around without contributing to society.

INTERVIEWER
The welfare jackpot?

BERK
Yes, it’s a pretty good life, sitting around, watching TV, taking drugs and growing fat.

INTERVIEWER
Surely you don’t think that it’s easy to survive on the dole. Doesn’t that contradict the concept that people on $150,000 can’t afford to pay more tax?

BERK
Not at all. People on $150,000 have greater needs.

INTERVIEWER
In what way?

BERK
Well, some of them have mortgages for a start. Not to mention the fact that they can’t hang around all day in moccasins and a track suit.

HART
If I could just…

BERK
Excuse me, but I’d like to finish my point.

HART
Well, I’d just like to know if private institutions are more accountable, how come you can refuse to tell the public where your funding comes from?

BERK
We’re a private body. We’re not accountable.

INTERVIEWER
But didn’t you just say that private institutions are more efficient because they’re accountable.

BERK
Yes, but that was in different context.

INTERVIEWER
I’m just looking for consistency.

BERK
Well, you’ve certainly found at the ABC – it’s consistent. Consistently biased. I mean, when was the last time you had a person like me on.

INTERVIEWER
Just now.

BERK
But before that.

INTERVIEWER
Last night.

BERK
See a whole twenty four hours has gone by without a voice for sanity.

INTERVIEWER
Unfortunately we’re running out of time, so if I could just ask Ms Hart for a final comment.

BERK
Typical – give the left the final say!

INTERVIEWER

Tune in to “The Insiders” every Sunday for a replay of this interview.

 

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