The New Ministry – Real Change Chosen!

Posted: September 17, 2013 in Politics, Uncategorized

There have been a number of critics of Abbott’s new front bench, with some saying it seems to be an “old boys” club composed of middle class, Anglo Saxon men, while others are expressing amusement that the Party that had the election slogan “Choose Real Change” has produced a ministry almost exclusively composed of recycled Ministers from the Howard era. Supporters, however, argue that this is a ministry appointed on merit, and that if the Liberal Party had any women of merit, they’d be in Cabinet, just like Julie Bishop.

One supporter, Christopher Whine, agreed to this exclusive interview on the condition that I don’t repeat anything he said that was likely to embarrass him.

“Good morning, Mr Whine.”

“It is now that we’ve got that wretched Labor Government.”

“Mr. Whine, you think that there are no problems with Abbott’s Cabinet?”

“That’s right!”

Unfortunately, due to the “no embarrasment” agreement, that’s all of the interview that I can report.

Another supporter assured me that it was out of consideration for the media that Arthur Sinodinos and Concetta Fierravanti-Wells were left out of the Cabinet.

“Can you imagine reporters having to spell names like that? God, they have enough trouble with Matthias Cormann!”

“I thought that this was a Cabinet based on ‘merit,” I suggested.

“Oh, it is. It is. People have got there through sheer hard-work and ability.”

“Barnaby Joyce?”

“He’ll be great as Agriculture Minister. Knows the country like the back of his hand.”

“Exactly how well does Barnaby know his hand?” I wanted to know.

“Quite well, I believe. But that not the point. He’ll be great. Full of ideas.”

“And there’s no minister for Science.”

“Well, it was thought that Science could be subsumed into a number of other portfolios.”

“Which portfolios?”

“Treasury, I think. Or was it Finance.”

“The Ministry for Climate Change.”

“No, definitely wasn’t subsumed into that one. Science and Climate Change have nothing in common. Industry! That’s it, Science became part of the Industry portfolio.  After all, Science is just another Industry, and it’s not even a growing one.”

“I meant that the Climate Change Ministry is also gone.”

“Oh yes, well, we don’t see that you need a special ministry for that now that it’s no longer happening.”

“What makes you think that climate change is no longer happening?”

“Well, the past decade’s been getting colder.”

“I don’t think that’s true, but anyway, doesn’t “getting colder” suggest that change is happening?”

“Whatever, it doesn’t deserve a whole ministry, it can be part of the Industry portfolio.”

“What about the Status Of Women?”

“Pure tokenism. Women don’t need any special treatment. If they work hard and have the ability, they can do just as well as any man. Look at Julie Bishop. She’s shown you can get to be Deputy Leader.”

“But she’s the only one!”

“How many Deputy Leaders do you want?”

“Housing and Homelessness is gone too.”

“That’s because under Tony Abbott nobody will be homeless. Unless they don’t work hard enough. It’ll all be merit based.”

“Finally, what’s happening with Multicultural Affairs?”

“I think that goes under Immigration. No, wait… Border Protection? Or did we just think that it wasn’t worth worrying about? Maybe Industry…”

“Perhaps The Minister Assisting the Prime Minister for the Centenary of ANZAC?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, there’s no such thing.”

“Ah… There is!”

“Oh, sounds like a great place to put it then.”

“Speaking of great places to put things…”


“Never mind, thanks for your time.”

“A pleasure.”

  1. Brian says:

    I’m surprised the Ministry of Silly Walks didn’t get a shoe in. (pun intended)

  2. Russ says:

    Barnaby knows his hand very well. And he has property – a little while back he bought a great big property that has lots of Coal Seam Gas underneath it. Watch and see how well he protects the farmers from the gas miners!

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